Mom was formally diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at the beginning of 2016, although we saw evidence of dementia earlier than that. My Dad, her husband of 57 years at the time, took on the responsibility of caring for her. Even though I was living in San Francisco at the time, I saw the toll that caring for Mom had on Dad. I had lived away for 25 years, and in mid-2017, I chose to return to NC to help Dad care for Mom. Within a year, Dad was diagnosed with terminal blood cancer, and he passed away months later.  As he realized the end was near, he asked that I care for Mom. My stomach sank. My Mom and I had never had an easy relationship. And I couldn’t deny my Dad’s wishes. My grief therapist suggested I reach out to MemoryCare, and that was one of those decisions I look back upon as a pivotal point in my life.

Every person I encountered at MemoryCare was compassionate and didn’t judge me when I cried or was frustrated with Mom’s behavior or frustrated with the lack of support from my siblings. They recommended resources (if you are supporting someone with dementia, please read The 36 Hour Day) and shared concrete ways that I could care for myself, and ways I could interact with Mom. They gave me practical tips on how to speak with Mom (don’t argue, it’s okay to support an alternate reality) and suggested activities we could do together (walk as much as possible; silence is okay). Throughout the five years that I supported Mom as her primary caregiver, they helped me reframe my perspective to focus on all the things she could continue to do, and to be grateful for those. They named the frustrations I was feeling, and gave me permission to be angry, and then let that anger go. When I was feeling at the end of my rope, I would email my frustrations to my care team, and to my amazement a response would come within a day, empathizing with what I was going through, and sharing suggestions of what I could try next or resources available to me. When I could no longer care for Mom at home, they supported me in finding an appropriate care facility for her.

Mom entered hospice care in October 2023. One of the hardest choices I had to make was giving up our regular visits to MemoryCare. Even though we weren’t clients of MemoryCare anymore, our care team checked in regularly to see how I was doing, and to remind me to take care of myself.

Mom passed away in January 2024. I’m so grateful for the support I received from MemoryCare. Their support allowed me to treasure the last five years I had with Mom, and when I remember her, I remember the beautiful individual that MemoryCare helped me see.

— Lori McLeese, Caregiver

MemoryCare has changed my family’s life, and the day that I met the staff was a turning point in Mom’s care.

Life doesn’t always take the path that you think it will.  Since there was no evidence in our family of memory disorders, it was hard to believe that Mom, of all people, was having problems.  Mom ate the right foods, kept her mind active, and was the poster child of health.

The thing about a memory disorder is that it creeps up on you.  A person may forget something or do something out of the ordinary and you think, we are all human and misplace things occasionally.  It is easy to force yourself to rationalize a loved one’s behavior, because, if you face the situation then you must deal with it and often times make hard decisions.

At the beginning, Mom moved into an independent retirement community.  A few years later, we noticed that Mom had started becoming forgetful about things like where she put her keys and purse.  We knew that we needed to address this as early as possible, and each day, I’m thankful that we found MemoryCare.

Mom bravely entered the MemoryCare office for her initial consultation.  In that one day, all things changed for us.  We now had a name for what was going on and a plan of action.  Even better, we had found a true advocate and friend.  MemoryCare staff helped Mom with her medicines and helped our family be the best caregivers possible.

In the last years, there were many changes.  Mom moved into assisted living and stopped driving.  Her memory failed, but her sweet, happy spirit kept going strong.  All of my life, Mom never missed an opportunity to make me feel special.  Somehow in all of the things that were lost, the generosity of spirit remained strong within her.

We are so fortunate to have had the caring staff at MemoryCare who made Mom’s life brighter.  I cherished each moment that I shared with Mom, and I thank MemoryCare for helping give us as many of those moments as possible.

— Lyn Wiseman, Caregiver

For about two years before my husband, Len, died, I would tell his sons and his sisters that he was suffering with some dementia. That he forgot simple things, like how to adjust the thermostat or navigate the remote control on the television. But when we would travel to New Jersey to visit family, Len had just enough mental capacity left to function normally for those few days. So, family did not understand what was going on.

The staff at MemoryCare knew differently. They saw his slow deterioration over those two years. They had anticipated it. It was knowing that others had traveled this path ahead of me that made it easier for me to function as Len’s caregiver and as Len’s advocate. It was the support of the physicians and the support staff at MemoryCare that helped me negotiate those difficult months and make those heartbreaking decisions about Len’s care.

MemoryCare gave me guideposts. They also made no assumptions. The MemoryCare staff made sure that I knew to get appropriate legal advice, and that I took care of myself as best I could. They taught me that there is no weakness in asking for help.

It is more than a decade since my husband died. I have consistently supported MemoryCare with an annual donation as best I can, and I have also left part of my estate to MemoryCare so that others who travel this same road may find the support and guidance I did when I needed it most.

— Peggy Franc, Caregiver

My partner, Regina, and I arrived for our first appointment feeling overwhelmed and near despair which is not who we were as people before dementia hit.  Regina, who was one of the most loving, happy and fun persons I’d ever known, had been angry and confused for over a year when our primary physician referred us to MemoryCare.

There we found compassion, a feeling of being understood and loved, a source of enlightenment and resources to guide us out of the tortuous maze.  We left feeling deep grief at the diagnosis of dementia, but also with strength and hope beginning to return as we continued the journey of life with dementia.  Every successive treatment session increased our ability to cope as we learned practical helps for communication, self-care and care for each other.  A thorough assessment led to medication changes which maximized Regina’s health potential.

MemoryCare is unique in treating family and patient together as well as serving all who are in need, regardless of income.  The disease is so stressful that Caregiver health is often seriously compromised which, in turn, adversely effects the person with dementia.
Our world desperately needs MemoryCare for every family dealing with dementia.  Therefore, I donate as much as I can and hope that others will do the same so that this model of care can continue to grow and spread to all in need. Regina passed on now, but I am grateful to MemoryCare for as long as I live, and I committed to leave part of my remaining estate to continue that gratitude after I, too, have passed on.

— Sharron K. St. John, Caregiver

On my husband’s bed is a locally made, hand stitched quilt. Like the beautiful quilt on the wall in the new MemoryCare building, it is a work of art. It comforts and warms him each night as he sleeps in his care facility.

About 11 or 12 years ago I noticed a gradual change in my husband, Ennalls; (rhymes with “Reynolds”). He’d had a career that required him to be able to juggle a dozen balls in the air at once. He could no longer do that and, I noticed, started to miss appointments or was unable to grasp the complexities of an issue. Our regular doctor suggested that MemoryCare might be helpful and referred us to them.

What a blessing to have found our way to MemoryCare!  Not only was Ennalls under the care of a doctor who understood dementia and all its nuances and subtleties, but also I could talk with someone who knew what I was going through.

Although the journey for each person and their loved ones differs, there are experiences that can be common with dementia. MemoryCare has helped provide us with basic info as well as tools and skills on how to deal with this degenerative disease.  Sitting down periodically with our MemoryCare doctor; sharing laughter and tears at the monthly support group; learning the ins and outs of the disease through MemoryCare workshops and their excellent “Caregiver College” – all of these resources have been invaluable to our journey.

MemoryCare was also there for us when it was time to place him in a care facility.  They had recommended that I “do my homework” and research which place would suit his needs the best.  Because they had encouraged me to move ahead, I placed his name on the waiting list, and there was a spot available for him when it was time to make that move earlier this year.

Ennalls finds comfort in his beautiful quilt. I find comfort in all that MemoryCare has provided us through the years.  Thank you, MemoryCare!

— Suzi Berl, Caregiver